To be or not to be – A single’s soliloquy

It is a sad thing and it is true.

People always seem to gibe more at single ladies than single men.

It is a terrible thing to go through especially when you are the target of the gibe, however self-assured you may be about your singlehood. It doesn’t feel good to hear the tone of pity and sympathy that coats their words.

Sometimes it really gets on my nerves whenever I hear relatives ask the single ladies in the family when they are going to get married. I get that they don’t mean no harm, well, at least the nice ones. But it is revealing of the persisting pathetic mindset that continues to trap modern beliefs of young people starting out in their adult lives when they are trying to figure out what they want in life and what kind of life they want. And when your family and relatives keep harping on and on about all the supposedly important milestones in life that we are supposed to hit by this age and that age.

There are milestones that society dictates mark the extent of success of one’s life achievements. Sometimes I don’t know if people are still following those benchmarks because they genuinely desire those things for their lives or they are still blindly unquestioning.

The perennial debate of whether women can handle successfully having both a career and a family simultaneously – why don’t people question this on men as much as they do on women? Well, mostly that’s because women hold the vessels with the ability to bear children, but, that’s not all. There remains this irksome undercurrent of disbelief and dismissive doubt, especially from those who are old and those who are married.

Don’t get me wrong – I know that some people are content with knowing that they’re doing things the practical way and they are happy with that, because what makes person A happy might not be the same that makes person B happy. Some people are so afraid of having dependents they run the risk of being fatally self-absorbed they misconceive the idea of what having a partner of a family is about. It is tiring to read about how some purported modern-day feminists continue to contribute perpetuating gender stereotypes by classifying certain jobs and roles as lacking ambition – because is it really that unattainable a reality to have success in both career and personal life?

I still think a huge portion of hoo-ha boils down to how one defines oneself. Many people get in over their heads because they allow other people in their lives, their relationships, their friends and family, their jobs and money and looks, command their self-perception and how they define themselves. I’m not saying that we should all discount the weight of the important roles important people play in our lives, because it is entirely possible that for some people, the lives they aspire toward is a life centered around the people they have in their lives and taking care of their loved ones, and that is entirely possible because it is a great feeling to feel needed.

But everything external of our own individual selves is transient and will never always belong to us, and conversely, we will always be stuck with our own selves from start till the end of our mortal transience. It is ironic that amidst all the search and pursuit for connections with other people, the relationship that is often the most neglected is the one we build with ourselves, because taking the time to connect properly with yourself is one of the best ways to open up yourself to being meaningful with others.

If you are content with being alone, you will not seek out the company of others to act as fillers and distractions, but rather because you genuinely enjoy being with them and find them to be a positive addition to your life. That selectiveness in the company you keep stems from building and appreciating a relationship with yourself.

– Corinda Lubin-Katz, 6 Reasons Why We Need to Connect with Ourselves (Thought Catalog)

Sometimes I wonder if I am attached to being single because I am simply just waiting for that point in time where I would finally feel secure enough with myself or because the kind of joy and contentment I derive from being single will never match up that to that derived from being in a relationship.

To be or not to be – still remains in question.


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